Finished Zuleika Dobson, by Max Beerbohm, last night. (My copy was expensive, but you can read it online!)
It’s a completely silly story (in a good way) about events that supposedly happened at Oxford University in the early 1900s. It’s got some extremely funny bits, and lots of amusing scenarios and wordplay. Several times, the author talks to the reader, sometimes berating us for assuming something, or thinking only of ourselves rather than certain characters. It’s not your typical novel.
For example, the statues around Oxford watch everything, in a literal sense, and care about what happens.
And there are strange and funny departures from the story line, like when he tells us how he could possibly know everything that everyone is thinking in this supposedly true story:
It turns out that Zeus wanted to get into Clio’s pants. (Clio is the muse of history. Something I had to look up.) And of course, as Beerbohm points out: even after all these years, Zeus is still so lacking in confidence that he tries to appear in disguise, rather than as himself. So to win the Muse of History, he poses as “Kinglake’s ‘Invasion of the Crimea’ (four vols large 8vo, half-calf).”
That didn’t work, but Clio more or less offered herself to him if he’d grant one favor: omniscience to one historian for one story of historical significance. He did, and hence, Beerbohm can float around and get in everyone’s head to tell us what they’re thinking and doing.
Along the way, he makes fun of everything around him, and his language is purposely literary, to an absurd degree.
But funny as it is, I don’t think I can recommend it to most people. For one thing, the plot isn’t very satisfying. Nothing good happens to anyone.
And the characters themselves are really just there to laugh at, mostly, though there are moments here or there of insight. I like to relate on some level to a character that I’m following for a couple of hundred pages, but in this case, it’s impossible.
And lastly, the words! Luckily, my iPhone supports a good, but expensive, dictionary (American Heritage 4th edition), which keeps a history list. So I can go back and see all the words I looked up.
Then again, there were some words not IN that dictionary and I had to use the OED online, which has no history list. So those are lost forever.
But here’s a short, and far from complete, list of some of the words that I looked up while reading the thing. Some of these I just needed clarity on. Others I’d never heard of.
ataractic
scansion
asperse
mantle (not over your fireplace, but a vest-like thing)
daedal
valediction
bathos
otiose
buskin
oblation
mignonette
legerdemain
osier
thaumaturgy
Cimmerian
supernal
houri
aposiopesis
cameo (the art, not the appearance in a movie)
riband (which my wife knew, damn her)
guerdon
cynosure
Many of these I still don’t know, even though I just looked them up within the last 48 hours.
What struck me, besides how much I love my iPhone, is how Beerbohm uses these words so precisely. They don’t have to wobble or blur to fit the situation. They’re exactly right.
I remember learning the word “contrived,” many years ago. I was trying to describe to someone how a movie seemed obviously artificial, and my friend said “oh, like contrived?” Once it was explained to me, I was thrilled that there was a word that meant exactly what I needed. Seriously and really thrilled.
In Zuleika, there are words like that. “Bathos,” which I didn’t know, was used perfectly. And I can use a word like that, because I see bathos in my life all the time. It was a great moment when I looked it up, found the definition and said, “wow, there’s a word for that, and it’s EXACTLY what’s happening in the book.”
In fact, I almost suspect Beerbohm of writing scenes specifically to show off some of these wonderful words.
Aposiopesis is another, though I doubt that I can artfully bring it up in conversation. You can’t just say aposiopesis and pretend to expect people to understand you. You have to say it as a challenge, or at least with a playful air.
Well, ok then. That’s well within the range of what people expect from me. So wait for it. It’ll be here before you know it.
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