I would love never again to hear:
1. “a heartbeat away” from being president.
Every presidential election, everyone uses that exact same phrase about the vice-president. A heartbeat away. It must have been a really powerful phrase back when it was first used. But now it’s just become the common phrase for the situation, which means that it’s lost all power.
2. “in harm’s way”
Again, at one time, surely a powerful and unique way to say that someone is in danger. Now it’s for people who don’t want to think very much when they talk.
3. “my friends”
I only want to hear this from someone who is my friend, or friends of the people he’s talking to.
4. “we’d like to apologize for any inconvenience”
Is there any more certain sign that you’re not dealing with an actual human who has thought about and cares about your problems?
5. “friends and loved ones”
We need a new stock phrase for this notion. I think it’s funny that we don’t just say loved ones, because maybe you don’t love your friends.
6. “notion”
Well, I don’t even mind this word, really. But I’d like to give it a break for a while in political discourse. I seem to only hear the word when some politician is explaining how someone else’s notion is all wrong.
7. “political discourse”
Why not just say discussion, or debate, or whatever you mean?
#1 always implies to me that the President is *very* close to death. One heartbeat? Get the crash cart, stat! Even if Obama dies halfway through his presidency, that means that Biden is tens of millions of heartbeats away from the Presidency (assuming Biden outlives Obama). I guess it just isn’t very dramatic to say “Biden is now sixty four million one hundred and seventy six thousand nine hundred and eighty seven heartbeats from the Presidency.” Let’s start saying “one corpse away from the Presidency” instead. BTW, how many heartbeats away from the Presidency was Ford when Agnew was caught having failed to pay taxes on his bribes?
#2 implies that harm is some sort of sentient being with a plan and a path. If you can figure out just where “harm” is going, get out of its way and you’ll be fine!
#3 belongs to a whole class of over-familiar terms people use, often to strangers they’re about to fleece. Only two can legitimately call me “my son”, and four can say “brother”. “Neighbor” is less clear, but if there’s nowhere
Hey! Most of my post was cut off! This looks like censorship to me.
I’ll try to cut-and-paste from my earlier post, so pretend this was appended to the above (I’ll replace my less-than character, in case that was the culprit):
{less than} 1000′ agl from which both of our homes can be seen, I think I can safely say we’re not neighbors.
#4 is essentially God’s final message to his creation.
#5: we used to say “kith and kin”, which was better. Let’s get that going again. Or maybe it’s one’s friends and those friends’ loved ones. Besides, doesn’t the current phrase include family that one *doesn’t* love?
#6: in IT, there’s a (fairly new to me) term “notional requirements”. Requirements based on ideas? No. As it turns out, requirements based on how the developers want to do things, as opposed to requirements based on what users want. I like that notion! {l}Users are superfluous anyway.
#7: should be “political intercourse”. Still correct, and gives an impression that someone is getting “serviced” in the process.
That was fun! I think I may have written more than the original post (too lazy to count), and likely with less thought. I’m back home, with plenty of caffeine in me.
I doubt there was less thought.